I'm Gonna Smile
by Hawk Clowd
Summary: A songfic made up entirely of conversations PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE!. Hiro deals with his feelings for Shuichi.


**Title:** Smile

**Author:** Hawk Clowd

**Disclaimer:** Gravitation belongs to Tokyopop and whoever else owns the rights to the show and/or manga.  I don't begrudge them that at all.  Honest.  The song, Smile, is sung by Lonestar.  I would give you copyright information and the whole bit, but I can't remember it off the top of my head.  Many sorries.

**Blood Type:** marshmallow crème.

**Started:** Monday, July 21, 2003.

**Ended:** Sunday, July 20, 2003 (It's possible.  Trust me.)

**Warnings:** PWP--in other words, there's no plot.  For details on that lovely tidbit, read the author's notes.  You're going to want to do that, trust me, because this fic won't make a whole lot of sense if you don't.  Shonen ai (duh) and hints of Yuki x Shuichi, which shouldn't surprise anyone here.  There are also some spoilers, I'm afraid, but very few.  I swear.  The story starts a little bit before the anime begins and then continues through the show.

**Archived:** just the usual places.  The Fish Pond.  FanFiction.Net.  Maybe on live journal or something, if I ever get around to posting it there.

**Author's Notes:** As I mentioned in the warnings, this is very important.  I didn't set this fic up like I normally do.  I didn't even attempt to create a plot.  Here's how it works: people will be talking; usually it will only be Hiro and Shuichi, but some other people also show up along the way.  When the song lyrics show up, there's a time change and it shifts to a different conversation.  **_This fic is made up entirely of conversations_**.  I apologize if you don't understand it, but please keep in mind that I was trying to get feelings across, not a story.

---

**I still remember the night we met - you said you loved my smile**

"Hello?"

"Oi, Hiro?  Have you seen my purple sock?  I may have left it at your place the last time I stayed over."

"No, Shuichi, I've already given it back to you.  Last week, when I found it hanging over the showerhead, remember?  If you can't find it, put on a different pair of socks.  We're meeting with Sakano-san this afternoon.  Don't forget."

"Aa, thanks, Hiro!  I won't forget."

"Heh.  Keep smiling, Shuichi."

"You too.  Y'know how much I like your smile."

"So I've heard.  Hey, if you do remember to show up, I'll take you out to eat, okay?  You can have anything you want, so long as you don't make me go broke."

"Sugoi!  Thanks, Hiro!"

--click--

But your love for me was like a summer breeze - oh, it lasted for a while 

"You were late on purpose, weren't you?  Shuichi?"

"Hai...  But Hiro, you should have seen it!  The way the fountain just sort of fell across the pavement...  It was really neat looking!"

"I thought you said it was a fire hydrant."

"Well, it was.  But once I'd knocked it over, it looked a lot like a fountain!  Really!"

"How did you knock it over, exactly?  By running into it?"

"Yeah!  I would have tried to avoid it if I'd seen it, but I was really trying to avoid a little boy with an ice cream cone and a puppy because I didn't want him to drop the ice cream or let go of the puppy because it may have run away!  So I accidentally hit the fire hydrant instead and turned it into a fountain.  I kind of wish I'd done it during the sunset or something, though, so I could take a really pretty girl over to see it with me."

"A girl?"

"Hai!  And then we could--are you okay, Hiro?"

"I'm fine.  Eat your dinner."

I could hold on a little tighter I know, but when you love someone you gotta let 'em go

"So you and that Yuki Eiri guy really hit if off, didn't you?"

"Eh?  How'd you figure that out, Hiro?"

"Just a good guess.  And when you ran off yesterday, you were mumbling something about him.  So what happened?"

"He kissed me."

"Ooh, really?  Where?"

"In the elevator."

"…eh?  No, Shuichi, that's not what I meant.  Where did he kiss you?"

"I told you!  In the elevator!"

"Shuichi..."

"You're not angry, are you, Hiro?  You sound a little angry.  You don't mind it, do you?  Because it was kinda' neat when he kissed me, even though we're both guys..."

"No, Shuichi, I don't mind.  Just so long as you're happy."

So I'm gonna smile - cuz I wanna make you happy

"Hello?"  
"Oi, Hiro, it's me!  You'll never guess what Yuki and I did last night!"

"It's four in the morning; you do know that, right?"

"Hiro!  Try to guess!  Come on, try!"

"Mm...  You made love into the wee hours of the morning?"

"No, we--wait, how'd you know?"

"Well, you were a little bit loud, Shuichi..."

"HIRO!"

"Just kidding, Shuichi.  It was a really good guess, that's all.  I didn't really hear you screaming his name over and over again, I promise.  Anyway, I didn't think you would be one to kiss and tell."

"Well, I'm usually not, but I figured I would tell you about it just this one time.  See, Yuki came home from meeting with his publisher and--oh, ohayo, Yuki!  I didn't know you were up!"

"Hn.  Baka.  Come back to bed."

"Oi, I've gotta go, Hiro!  Talk to you later, okay?"

"Sure.  Have fun."

--click--

Laugh so you can't see me cry - I'm gonna let you go in style

"And then Yuki shoved the ice cream in my eye and it was really cold and I told him so but he just ignored me so I put my ice cream on top of his head and it stuck there!  He looked up at it--or at least he tried to--and his eyes crossed funny so I laughed and he called me a baka and then he--Hiro, are you crying?"

"Eh?  Oh...  Yeah, I guess I am.  You must have made me laugh too hard, Shuichi.  Go on; finish telling your story."

"Okay!  Well, he called me a baka and then he pulled me up to his level--I had to stand up on my tippy-toes even though I was standing on the curb and he wasn't because he's really tall, y'know?  And then--"

"Back to work!  No more breaks!"

"Aw, but K-san, I was telling Hiro about what Yuki and I did yesterday because it was really funny!  C'mon, let me--hey, put away the magnum, K-san!  Hiro, make him put it away!"

"Those are blanks, right, K-san?"

"Hai."

"Okay.  Shoot him."

"Eh?  HIRO!!!"

And even if it kills me, I'm gonna smile

"Moshi-moshi!"

"Aa, Shuichi!  Are you busy right now?  This new arcade just opened up across the street from my place and we have to check it out before everyone else in Tokyo finds out about it and hogs all of the games!"

"Gomen, Hiro, but--Yuki, that tickles!"

"I'm going to disconnect that phone, I swear I will.  Get back here, baka."

"Hai, Yuki, one minute!  Sorry, Hiro, but I can't go.  Yuki is--"

"Okay.  It's probably important, so you go ahead.  Maybe next time, right?"

"Right!  Thanks for understanding, Hiro!  See you later!"

"Okay.  See you."

--click--

Kiss me once for the good-times, baby - kiss me twice for goodbye

"Oh, I'm so nervous, Hiro!  Aren't you?"

"No.  Why are you nervous, Shuichi?  You love singing on the stage."

"I know, but this is different!  Yuki promised he would come to watch me sing this time and I wanna sing that new song that I dedicated to him and I really want it to go well!"

"I thought Yuki hated your lyrics."

"He does!  But he helped me write this new one when I asked him to last month--did I tell you that, Hiro?"

"No, you didn't."

"Aa.  Well, he did help me write them.  That's why they're so cool!"

"Okay.  Oi, that may be Yuki up there, in the back."

"Really?  Where???"

"Shindou-san, Nakano-san!  It's time for us to go on!"

"Hai!  C'mon, Hiro!"

You can't help how you don't feel - and it doesn't matter why

"Wow!  It's been a long time since I've stayed over at your place, ne, Hiro?"

"Hai, it has been a long time.  As K-san would probably say, 'what's up'?"

"Your Americanese really sucks, Hiro."

"It's English, Shuichi.  It isn't Americanese. "

"Honto ni?"

"Honto ni.  So how are things?"

"They're okay.  Yuki and I haven't argued about anything in a really long time, although he did yell at me about toothpaste this morning.  I ran out of mine so I used a little bit of his but I didn't squeeze it from the bottom of the tube like he does so he said some stuff and bopped me with his pen."

"Aa, true love."

"Right!"

Give me a chance to bow out gracefully - cuz that's how I want you to remember me

"Hello?"

"Oi, Hiro!  Yuki wants me to go to England with him cuz one of his books is getting translated and stuff over there.  Well, actually, he didn't want to go at all until I mentioned how cool it would be to go to that place with the big clock--"

"The Big Ben."

"Yeah!  And so he said he would only go if I went with him and literally dragged him to the airport and to the hotel."

"Are you going to go?"

"I dunno.  I want to go, but that week is the anniversary of the day we started Bad Luck and we always celebrate on the anniversary and I don't want to break the tradition!  But I have to decide really quick because the plane leaves in two hours..."

"...I think you should go.  We'll celebrate when you get back and paint the town red!"

"You mean that, Hiro?  You aren't mad because I won't be here for the Bad Luck anniversary this year?"

"I'm not angry, Shuichi.  Have fun in England."

"Okay!  Bye, Hiro!"

--click--

I'm gonna smile - cuz I want to make you happy

"Hey Hiro, you look really bummed.  Where's the pink-haired mongoose?"

"Shuichi?  He's in England with Yuki Eiri.  Book signing or something.  He'll be back in a week or two, I guess."

"But isn't this your special day or something?  You guys always get really drunk on this day every year, right?  And then you run around Tokyo."

"It's the anniversary of the day we started Bad Luck."

"And he's in England with his boy-toy?  That must suck really bad eggs, ne?  Well, tell you what...  I'll celebrate with you if you want."

"Shut up, Yuuzi.  And get off of me."

"Jeez, sorry, bro.  Just trying to help is all..."

Laugh so you can't see me cry - I'm gonna let you go in style

"Moshi-moshi!"

"Hi, Shuichi.  How was England?"

"It was awesome!  Yuki really didn't want to do anything after the book signings were over with and we didn't have a lot of time to do much, but I convinced him to go sightseeing with me!  He didn't like it very much because he's already been to England, but I thought it was cool! We saw a bridge and a bunch of people and we rode a really funny looking bus and we saw the big clock thing--"

"The Big Ben."

"Right!  Are you laughing at me, Hiro?"

"Yes, Shuichi, but only because I'm glad you had a good time.  Get some sleep; we've got an early day at the studio tomorrow."

"Okay!  Sleep well, Hiro!"

"You too."

--click--

And even if it kills me, I'm gonna smile

"Oi, Hiro?  Have you ever been in love with anyone?  I mean, _really_ in love?  Like absolutely positively really in love?

"Yes, Shuichi."

"Honto ni?"

"Honto ni."

"Honto ni honto ni?"

"Honto ni honto ni."

"Honto ni honto ni honto ni?"

"Shuichi?"

"Hai?"

"Shut up."

"Heee...  Sorry, Hiro."

"Why did you ask me that, anyway?"

"I was just curious.  Was it Ayaka-chan?"

"No, I was never in love with Ayaka-chan.  She was really pretty though."

"I didn't think it was Ayaka.  So who was it, Hiro?"

"That's my little secret, baka."

"Oi, stop that!  It tickles!  And you're messing up my hair!"

"Like it needed my help."

"HIRO!"

I'm gonna smile - so you can find the courage

"Shuichi, are you all right?"

"Gomen, H-Hiro..."

"Aa, Shuichi, get inside and tell me what's wrong!  What happened to you?  Your eye is really messed up, you know.  You're going to get a black...  What happened?"

"Aa, I...  I fell."

"On your eye?"

"Hai."

"Shuichi...  Never mind.  Look, don't be like that.  What happened, honestly?  Did Yuki do something to you?  Did he hit you?"

"Yuki was having a nightmare so I woke him up and... and he accused me of being naïve and innocent and that it wasn't good for me because someone was going to hurt me really badly and I'd end up being mean and bitter like him but I told him that he wasn't mean and bitter at all so he got mad and he hit me and then he looked like he couldn't believe he'd done it and he fell back onto the bed and curled up and started clutching at his head so I ran all the way here!"

"That bastard.  Do you want me to rough him up for you?"

"NO!  Just...  Just let me stay here tonight?  I can go back to Yuki tomorrow because it'll be okay and he'll feel better, but just for tonight, can I stay here?  Please?"

"You're going to go back?"

"I've gotta.  I love Yuki.  He just scares me sometimes, when he has those really bad nightmares and he gets angry, that's all.  It doesn't happen often, really."

"... All right, Shuichi."

Laugh - so you won't see me hurting

"That's not funny, Hiro!"

"Yes it is...  You just aren't looking at the situation properly!  It really is funny and you know it is, Shuichi."

"Well...  Maybe a little bit."

"See?  How did you get the phone booth to tip over like that, anyway?  I'm not even going to ask how you managed to fall off the bridge while you were still inside of it..."

"Aa, it's all Yuki's fault.  Hey, stop that!  What are you doing?"

"Checking for bruises and scratches, silly."

"Oh.  D'you see any?"

"Not one.  So you called Yuki; what did he do?"

"Well, when I called he picked up the phone and I asked if he missed me while we were on tour and he told me to stop calling him every ten minutes and I told him that it'd only been half an hour since I'd last called and he told me I was a baka and I said 'that's why you love me, though' and he went 'yes, I guess that's true'!  Yuki said he loves me!  He's never said that before!  Well, I was so happy and so surprised that I fell over and I guess the phone booth fell over and then it started to roll around and then it fell off the bridge!  Isn't that--Why are you laughing?"

"Because.  Congratulations, Shuichi."

I'm gonna let you go in style - and even if it kills me...

"Hello?"

"Oi, Hiro, it's me!  Have you seen my blue shirt with the really big red dot on it and the yellow stripes?  I can't find it anywhere and Yuki threw a pillow at me when I tried to wake him up to ask if he knew where it was!  He's been sleeping in really late ever since his last book got published...  Did I leave it at your place or something?"

"The blue shirt?  No, but I found one of your socks."

"Great!  I'll just wear a different shirt, I guess, and come over and get my sock!  That means I'll have to go over barefoot and carry my shoes in my hands, though.  Okay?"

"That's fine, Shuichi.  Don't step on anything sharp.  When you get here, I'll treat you to lunch, okay?  Anything you want on the menu."

"Sugoi!  Free lunch!  I'll leave Yuki a note and I'll be right over, okay?"

"All right."

"Great!  Oh, Hiro?"

"Eh?"

"Thank you.  For smiling.  I like your smile!"

"So I've heard.  I like yours too, Shuichi."

"Heee!  Thanks!  I'll be right over, Hiro!"

--click--

I'm gonna smile


End file.
